There are days I look forward all day to going to the gym and working out, there are even days I get up first thing in the morning and go before work. There are days I truly like being there.
Today was not one of those days.
Today I had to drag myself, kicking and screaming, but I went. I particularly dread going to the gym on running days, I still haven’t reached the point in my training that it is fun — at all. But people keep assuring me I will get there. We’ll see.
Thursday I started Week 3, day 1 of the Couch to 5K program, and while I did better than I expected, I wasn’t able to make it through all of the running parts. Today, however, I did! I was pretty pumped. Even though I was dreading going, that feeling made it worth it.
Of course that isn’t making me dread Monday’s run any less.
I think I am starting to get my diet back under control after my slip ups while traveling. That is, and probably always will be, the hardest part.
I wish it were easier to think of the milestones that made me proud of myself before I slip up on the diet. I just need to keep reminding myself that in the long run it will be worth it.
Today’s weigh in had me down 6.2 pounds this week, which I was thrilled about, so overall now I am down 33.2 pounds. I would like to lose another 67 this year, which will me hard, and maybe not possible, but that is my goal.
If starting over again is the hardest part, then why-oh-why do I keep quitting in the first place?
If you follow my blog at all, you know that if I am not writing I am not doing well working toward my healthy lifestyle goals. I can’t even remember the last time I made an entry.
Since New Year I have been trying to work out and eat better, with many, many ups and downs.
I plan on going into each in more detail in future blog posts, but so far this year I have joined a second gym, tried Spinning, Zumba, and have taken a six-week nutrition class.
Things are working, but more slowly than I am used to and that I would like. I have lost a few pounds, but am feeling stronger and a little more healthy. Still a long way to go, but this is a step in the right direction.
Today I realized I really needed to start writing again. It helps. I am going to work much harder to carve out a little time every day to focus on myself and write things down. In the past it has helped keep me going, organize my thoughts and clear my head. Knowing I have people cheering me on helps a lot too.
I know this post is a little all over the place, but that is how I am feeling right now. More on that in the near future I’m sure.
Right now all I know is I am taking this one day at a time. I am not beating myself up if I miss a workout or eat that cookie. I am going to be on this journey and enjoy life at the same time. As long as I continue in the right direction any progress is good progress.
Don’t let the photo fool you, everything is fine. That was the result of me attempting to cut an onion. Terrible. I used to wear ski goggles when doing this horrible task, but I lost them in one of the many moves I have made in the last few years.
In an effort to hold myself accountable this time, I told lots of people that yesterday was my first day living healthy again. This of course included my boyfriend who assured me he was going to help me reach my goals. So far he sure is following through.
When we got home from work last night we went through the whole kitchen getting rid of everything unhealthy. Boxes of hamburger helper, chocolate, cookies, cake mix, bacon, Mountain Dew and an ungodly amount of Zebra Cakes went out the door, among other things.
Today I worked on replacing the bad food with the good stuff. Spinach, mushrooms, squash, eggplant, apples, strawberries, chicken and fish. Lots of healthy foods for meals and to munch on.
For dinner I sauteed chicken breast with white wine, minced garlic, half an onion and added spinach in for the last few minutes. It was really tasty if I don’t say so myself.
The last two days have been easier than I expected, it deffinitly helps that I have support. Hopefully this time will be different than the last few tries.
I also finished up my juice cleanse today. I think it worked. i work up this morning feeling better than I have in a while. Whether the cleanse really did work on me physically or if it was just mental, I don’t know. Honestly I really don’t care, as long as it helps get me moving in the right direction.
Tomorrow I am going to try and get up and work our before work, even if it is just walking around the block or the park near m house a few times, something to get my blood flowing.
Thursday I have a gym date ay 6 a.m. with one of my good friends who also struggles with her weight. My plan is to get enough people involved in my weight loss journey this time that I won’t have a choice but to succeed.
Goal for Friday’s weigh in is to lose 5 pounds. Her’s hoping.
Weigh-in day today and I am down 1.2 pounds — more than I expected since in the past my second week back on my healthy lifestyle I either stay at the same weight or gain. A 1.2 loss I will take.
I was talking to my dad earlier today, trying to figure out why getting in the right frame of mind with my weight loss seems to be so difficult this time. Somehow I expected it to be easier, after all, I have done it before. I know what I need to do to lose the weight. I know I can do it. Why can’t I get in the right mindset?
I skipped out on going to the gym today because I was busy, I had shinsplints and sore arms. Excuses, I know.
I am hoping that continuing to write this blog, even on days I don’t really have much of anything to say (like today) will help get my mind in the right place.
I did work up the courage to post the progress I have made so far on Facebook this morning. Every time I post my blog to Facebook I get incredibly nervous about what other people will say. Once again I was surprised at how encouraging everyone is. Hopefully one of these days I will stop being surprised when I get support from others.
It was hard for me to write about the asshole who thought it was appropriate to throw a beer bottle at me while working out. At first I didn’t want to tell anyone about it, let alone blog about it. In the long run I am SO glad I did. The response I got was incredibly overwhelmingly positive.
The post was shared dozens of times. People I barely know stopped me in the streets of my small town and motivated me to keep going and ignore the haters.
Here are some of the comments I got on my Facebook page alone after posting the blog (I got over 40 so I won’t be sharing them all):
“Love you, girl! While he was pointing one finger at you, three of his fingers were pointing back at him. Judging says nothing about the one being judged, but everything about the one doing the judging! You have the right attitude! Keep being you and speaking your truth and shining your beautiful light! xo”
“Ya know, you are totally right. What a jerk! Lynn, I really admire you for your attitude and for your work ethic. It’d be easy to let him get into your head but you didn’t. Good for you. Keep up the good work. One day at a time! Love you!”
“you’re a hero. A friend of mine had a similar experience here in Boston last year while she was training for the webster triathalon, which she was doing to loose weight so she and her husband could get pregnant. She gave birth to her baby girl last week…I’m doing the triathalon in her honor this year because she just inspired me so much. You are so right about the dude that yelled at you, his life must be total shit, and will continue to be. My first instinct in these situations is to yell back “sorry about your tiny shrivled shrimp penis! good luck!”, ….feel free to use that whenever.““Your a gorgeous person inside and out what a pathetic excuse of a man!!! Fantastic article!! And ps curvy is sexy so sod that pathetic excuse of a human being xxx“
Thank you to all who encourage me, who keep me motivated, and are endlessly supportive. This is a long, hard journey, but I am going to make it, and I have people like you to thank for that.
I am quickly learning that for every discouraging asshat out there putting people down for working out, there are easily 100 cheering them on (whether they verbalize it or not).
To the “Neighbor Who Is Running And Working Out Outside” thanks for the motivation. Keep up the good work!
Saying I have had a hard time getting motivated to eat and workout lately would be the understatement of the year. After getting home from work, I just want to relax. Life’s stresses make me want to eat anything and everything in sight. I’m sure many of you relate.
Today I managed to pull together some motivation to ride my bike to the neighboring town. I have been riding a couple times a week — the longest ride so far being 16 miles. Today’s route wasn’t far — only about eight miles — but it required me to climb the steepest hill I have faced so far. As I was very slowly climbing the worst part of the long hill, a Jeep came up behind me on the highway. A college-age man hung his head out the vehicle, yelled “fatass” and threw an empty beer bottle at me.
The beer bottle shattered on the pavement next to me, sending sharp shards of glass bouncing off the road, hitting my legs and bike.
Physically I wasn’t hurt, but that action by a complete stranger hurt emotionally. It completely took the wind out of my sails for a couple minutes at a time I needed it the most.
Being overweight for most of my life, I have never been a fan of working out in public. I always worry about what other people are thinking about me. Every time someone looks at me, I just know that they are judging me, wondering why I even bother. Whether that is true or not, that is what I convinced myself was happening. Today’s incident pretty much confirmed that.
Eventually I worked my way to the top of that hill, and I was proud of myself. The downhill on the other side was amazing, relaxing, and gave me time to think about what just happened.
For a minute or so I was pissed about the jackwagon who thought it appropriate, or even fun, to try to discourage me from bettering myself. Once that passed, I actually felt bad for him. He must lead a pretty sad, pathetic life if actions like that are how he chooses to entertain himself.
I will never know if he was trying to discourage me, make me feel bad about myself, or just trying to get a laugh out of his buddy who was driving. Ultimately it doesn’t matter. What he managed to do was motivate me.
I had a revelation while on my ride. I don’t care anymore what people think or say about me while I am working out in public. If people have a problem with me working out in public, that is their problem, not mine. (For those of you who have telling me that for years, yes, it finally sunk in.)
Right now, I may be a “fatass,” but I don’t have to be. I can eat right, work out, and continue to improve physically and emotionally, and I am taking steps in that direction. I can change.
The bottle thrower is a pathetic person who clearly can’t or won’t control his actions. The highlight of his day is putting other people down. That is no way to live.
I can can change, but in my experience, people like him don’t. He is the one I pity.
So thanks for giving me the motivation I have been desperately searching for. If you’re reading this and you ever see me out, I owe you a beer.
Early Sunday morning I received devastating news that one of my good friends passed away, from what we now know was a brain aneurism. I was completely heartbroken.
Chris was by far one of the healthiest people I know. He ran 5+ miles a day, ate right, didn’t smoke and didn’t drink much. It just didn’t make any sense. He should have lived until he was 110.
He was also one of my biggest sources for help when I started this weight loss journey. Even though he lived 100 miles away from me in St. Louis, several times a month he would make the trek out to Rolla to work out with me, he would listen to me when I got frustrated and needed to vent, and was a constant source of motivation. Those first few months would have been so much more difficult without his support.
Of course, he was also one of the biggest reasons I was so sore I couldn’t move in the beginning as well. I’ll never forget getting in my car after doing his prescribed arm workout for the first time on my own. I was instantly so sore, I could barely move my arms enough to turn the steering wheel. His solution to me, “If you’re too sore to drive home from the gym, walk.”
He was constantly telling me how proud of me he was, and that really meant a lot to me because I knew he meant it. Days before I moved home to Massachusetts he gave me a new, red St. Louis Cardinals tank top. It was skin tight and not even close to fitting. I packed it away in the back on one of my drawers and forgot about it. Yesterday I was looking for something to wear around the house and came across the tank top. I decided to try it on again. Tears started streaming down my face when I realize that this time, it fit.
I felt like he was cheering me on one last time, letting me know that I can do this.
I know I need to keep doing this now, not only for myself, but because he would want me to finish my goal. For right now though, I just need time to be sad.