Diet · Fitness · Goals · Health · weight loss

Getting out of my own head

ownenemy

As a rule, for most things in my life, if I have set out to do something, I have succeeded. It hasn’t always been easy, but I try my best not to give up.

For the last 3+ months I have been eating right and seriously working my ass off at the gym. I was definitely seeing success (building muscle, feeling better, losing inches, etc). But I just wasn’t seeing the results I was hoping for on the scale.

One week I would lose 3 pounds, the next I would gain 2, lose .2, gain 1. The scale was trending down — slowly — in the right direction, but not as quickly as I thought it should be for as hard as I was working.

I got discouraged. Really discouraged.

For about two weeks I hated every second of meal prepping, eating the right meals, working out, and don’t even get me started on the extra cardio.

I was a completely miserable person, but Friday evenings leading up to weigh ins on Saturday mornings were the worst. I would make sure not to eat after 7, and attempt to get lots of sleep. No matter how early I went to bed, I would lie awake worrying about what would happen when I stepped on that scale the following day.

Would all this work I have been doing for the last week be for nothing?

People did their best to cheer me up. They reminded me that I was getting healthier, stronger, that muscle weighs more than fat, etc.2234982_1

This last Saturday I stepped on the scale and was up two pounds for the second week in a row. I just broke. I found myself in tears yet again. How can I be doing all this work for the scale to be going in the opposite direction. It just wasn’t fair.

My trainer, being far more understanding with yet another round of tears than is fair to ask of him, reassured me that he was going to help me figure out what is going on. I couldn’t quit. I had to just keep pushing forward and eventually something was going to give.

We would be approaching things a little differently going forward. From now on I would be weighing in on my own scale every day and sending him the number. From there he would tweak my daily meal plan based on the scale that day.

I was ready for pretty much anything.

Every day this week (and it is only Wednesday) I have been working out 1-3 times a day, eating right, and stepping on that scale. Sure enough, every day the number has been going down, and much faster than I could have expected.

After talking to my trainer this afternoon after deadlifting class, he told me that he think I put so much pressure on myself to lose, I stressed my body out to the point that it just wasn’t happening.

Then, when the scale didn’t move in the right direction, I would be miserable. I struggled through workouts and hated my meals. I would spend the following week feeling let down, and worrying that I was letting my trainer down. That would stress me out more and then the scale wouldn’t move again.

It made complete sense.

Now that I have daily  weigh-ins, I feel like I am in a much better spot mentally. I am enjoying going to classes again, I wouldn’t say I enjoy my extra cardio, but I don’t dread it all day, and I am in a much better mood.

I am now looking forward to weighing in on Saturday. It certainly isn’t out of the question to think that I will have a 5+ pound loss this week. If that doesn’t help me get in the right frame of mind, I don’t know what will.

 

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Fitness · Goals · Health · Uncategorized · weight loss

An inspiration? Who… ME???

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I always find it strange when people say I am inspiring them to live a healthier lifestyle. After all, who on earth would want to follow in my footsteps? I’m a 30-something woman with over 100 pounds to lose.

Might as well put me on one of those motivational posters!

Oddly enough, I have been getting that more and more lately. I find myself at the beginning, again, and again, and again, of what is going to be a very long (lifelong) journey for me. For me to be an inspiration to others comes with some amount of pressure.

I want to be one of those people who, two years and 100 pounds down the road, can look at someone starting their journey and say “If I can do it, YOU can do it.”Screen Shot 2018-03-15 at 10.48.22 PM

But frankly, I am still worried I will never get to that point. Part of me knows if I stick to it long enough and don’t give up, I will succeed. But there is always that nagging part of me that knows I have failed each and every time up to this point. Maybe I am only kidding myself that this time will be any different.

Today I had to leave one of my workout classes because my back just wasn’t holding up. It was hurting and threatening to go out on me. I wanted to push through the pain and finish the 30 minute workout, but my trainer sent me home.

Part of me is very disappointed in myself that I quit. The other part of me is glad I left. In the past I probably would have pushed through and potentially hurt myself. All it is going to take to potentially majorly derail my progress is to have my back go out on me and be sidelined from the gym for two weeks. At this point, I can’t lose momentum, even if that means not finishing one workout.

I was feeling pretty down when I got home. Then I got a perfectly timed text from a friend saying she has been reading this blog, watching on Facebook, and following my journey. She let me know she joined a gym a week ago and has not skipped a day in nearly a week.

SO AWESOME!

I was thrilled and so proud of her.

In the last couple weeks, I have had a couple other people let me know that I have inspired them to change their own lives. They may not all be the biggest changes, but they are something. Whether it is passing on the office baked goods being passed around, parking at the back of the parking lot instead of the front, or drinking water instead of soda, little changes add up.

I wish it were as easy for me to recognize and take pride in the changes I have made in my own life as it is for me to recognize when others do the same.

I’ve been told I am my own worst critic… and aren’t we all? Something else for me to work on. For now, I am just going to keep on going.

Tomorrow’s another day, one with my favorite new class at the gym, but more about that another day.

Goals · Health · Uncategorized · weight loss

Progress Photos

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After a couple weeks of waiting, I got my photos from before and after the first shred back yesterday.

I wasn’t impressed.

In all honesty, I spent about three hours in tears — that not impressed.

Looking at the photos, it was hard for me to tell which was the before and which was the after. After some careful consideration, I could tell I had lost a few inches off my stomach, but that was about it.

I just keep telling myself that I didn’t put the weight on overnight, I can’t be expected to lose it over night.

For as hard as I have been working, I was hoping to see a little more of a dramatic difference. Hopefully the next set of photos is more noticeable.

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Fitness · Goals · Health · weight loss

Achieving a goal. Sort of.

dont-give-up

OK, so remember that post I made about a year ago. The one where I said my goal was to lose 60 pounds before my wedding. Well, it didn’t happen. And I’m OK with it.

I had a beautiful wedding, in a beautiful dress, and even though I am confident I didn’t lose a single pound after I made that post, there’s nothing I can do about it now.

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Fast forward to 13 months later, here I am, still overweight and fighting my battle. And here I am writing yet another blog post about how I am starting again, but this time I am going to do it.

Will I succeed? Who knows, but I have to try.

Four months ago I told myself I had to get some kind of accomplishment under my belt before posting again, or I couldn’t take myself seriously, let alone expect anyone else to. Here’s a wrap of from then to now…

After the wedding last year, my new sister in law introduced me to her gym. One where there is a lot of structure, no open gym, all workouts are classes led by a personal trainer.

She told me about the gym’s 49-Day Shred program she was participating in, where you were expected to attend classes 5-6 days per week, add in cardio, and follow a strict meal plan.

Honestly, it sounded terrible, but just what I needed.

About ½ way through her shred, I decided to join the gym, carefully watching her progress with the shred, asking questions, learning my way around the gym, and mulling over whether I would sign up for the next shred.

Around Thanksgiving time, I decided I was going to sign up for the next shred, which started the first week in January. My goal was to lose 20 pounds in the seven weeks.

I figured it would be best to ease myself into it, so I went to the Tuesday night Shred class, which consisted of 90 minutes of weight training in roughly four-minute intervals with cardio exercises in between stations.

It was during that workout I realized I made a HUGE mistake. There was no way I would be able to complete another one of those workouts.

It was the hardest workout I had ever done. Half a dozen times during the workout I considered just getting up and walking out. I finished on the verge of tears. When my sister-in-law asked me what I thought, the dam broke and I started crying. I told her how embarrassed I was to have done as badly as I did. How I couldn’t breathe. How everything hurt. There was no way I could go back.

She gave me a pep talk, (the first of many) as did several other gym-goers as they were leaving, some I knew, others, I didn’t.

I think that was the first time I got a taste of the gym family that had been developed. That night, several gym members sent me messages of encouragement and the trainer reached out to me to say I did well.

My goal was no longer to lose 20 pounds. It was just to make it to the other side of the shred without quitting.

Reluctantly, I went back the next day, and the next, and the next. I started the shred, and slowly but surely, things got easier. Not easy, but there was definite progress with how I was feeling during and after workouts, and I was gaining strength.

Long story short, and eight weeks later, I finished my first Shred and am down about 10 pounds and 28 inches. I am anxiously awaiting my before and after photos.

I certainly didn’t lose the 20 pounds I was hoping for. But I did something better. I finished the program. One that, eight weeks ago, I didn’t think I had a chance of finishing.

I am sure I will write more about this program from time to time. I really think this gym will be the difference between my quitting (again) and reaching my goals. Whatever those may be.

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5K · Fitness · Goals · Health · Uncategorized

Making slow, painful progress

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There are only so many times one can say “I am starting over again, and this time I am going to succeed” before people stop believing you.

I crossed that line several times ago, yet here I am again.

That’s why this time I wanted to wait until I really got the ball rolling and accomplished something before I post anything on here.

It has been seven weeks today since I started the lifestyle change (again) and I feel like it is time to start writing about it again since it seems to help quite a bit.

Even though I have been at this a while again, the weight isn’t coming off as quickly as I would like (not that it ever does). I am down 13 pounds, but honestly I could definitely be doing better on my food choices, so it is my fault the numbers on the scale aren’t dropping as fast as I would like.

There were two weeks in the middle that I was travelling the whole time, the first week I was in Chicago and managed not to be completely awful on my diet, and was very active exploring the new city.

The second week visiting my parents, wasn’t so pretty. That’s behind me though, and here I am again

I have been pretty good about making it to the gym on a regular basis, despite my busy schedule. Even though I can’t see any difference in my body, I am definitely getting stronger and my endurance is getting better.

I started the Couch to 5 K program again a couple weeks ago. It isn’t easy, it’s slow going and it’s painful and tiring, but slowly I am improving. Today I did week 3, day. I couldn’t quite do 100 percent of the running portions, but I did better than I expected. When I first started a couple weeks ago I seriously struggled to get through the first workout — like, I couldn’t to it. Looking back on that makes me feel better about what I have done in a fairly short amount of time.

My goal is to be in shape enough to jog the YMCA’s Turkey Trot 5K in November. I have set this goal before, and have never succeeded, but hopefully I will this time.

Only time will tell.

 

Diet · Food · Goals · Health · weight loss

Misery loves company

Onion 1, Lynn 0
Onion 1, Lynn 0

Don’t let the photo fool you, everything is fine. That was the result of me attempting to cut an onion. Terrible. I used to wear ski goggles when doing this horrible task, but I lost them in one of the many moves I have made in the last few years.

Anywho…

In an effort to hold myself accountable this time, I told lots of people that yesterday was my first day living healthy again. This of course included my boyfriend who assured me he was going to help me reach my goals. So far he sure is following through.

When we got home from work last night we went through the whole kitchen getting rid of everything unhealthy. Boxes of hamburger helper, chocolate, cookies, cake mix, bacon, Mountain Dew and an ungodly amount of Zebra Cakes went out the door, among other things.

Today I worked on replacing the bad food with the good stuff. Spinach, mushrooms, squash, eggplant, apples, strawberries, chicken and fish. Lots of healthy foods for meals and to munch on.

For dinner I sauteed chicken breast with white wine, minced garlic, half an onion and added spinach in for the last few minutes. It was really tasty if I don’t say so myself.

Chicken sauteed with onion, garlic, wine and spinach with sides of sweet potato and corn.
Chicken sauteed with onion, garlic, wine and spinach with sides of sweet potato and corn.

The last two days have been easier than I expected, it deffinitly helps that I have support. Hopefully this time will be different than the last few tries.

I also finished up my juice cleanse today. I think it worked. i work up this morning feeling better than I have in a while. Whether the cleanse really did work on me physically or if it was just mental, I don’t know. Honestly I really don’t care, as long as it helps get me moving in the right direction.

Tomorrow I am going to try and get up and work our before work, even if it is just walking around the block or the park near m house a few times, something to get my blood flowing.

Thursday I have a gym date ay 6 a.m. with one of my good friends who also struggles with her weight. My plan is to get enough people involved in my weight loss journey this time that I won’t have a choice but to succeed.

Goal for Friday’s weigh in is to lose 5 pounds. Her’s hoping.

Fitness · Goals · Health · Self confidence · Uncategorized · weight loss

A little more inspiration

sleeping-in

I just read a great blog post that reminded me of my own experience I will forever refer to as the “beer bottle throwing incident of 2014.

Has anyone ever made fun of you for working out in public? Read it.

Do you feel uncomfortable working out in public? Read it.

Are you someone that makes fun of others for trying to better themselves. Read it and grow up.

Here is the link: Dear Neighbor Who Is Running And Working Out Outside

It was hard for me to write about the asshole who thought it was appropriate to throw a beer bottle at me while working out. At first I didn’t want to tell anyone about it, let alone blog about it. In the long run I am SO glad I did. The response I got was incredibly overwhelmingly positive.

The post was shared dozens of times. People I barely know stopped me in the streets of my small town and motivated me to keep going and ignore the haters.

Here are some of the comments I got on my Facebook page alone after posting the blog (I got over 40 so I won’t be sharing them all):

“Love you, girl! While he was pointing one finger at you, three of his fingers were pointing back at him. Judging says nothing about the one being judged, but everything about the one doing the judging! You have the right attitude! Keep being you and speaking your truth and shining your beautiful light! xo”

“Ya know, you are totally right. What a jerk! Lynn, I really admire you for your attitude and for your work ethic. It’d be easy to let him get into your head but you didn’t. Good for you. Keep up the good work. One day at a time! Love you!”

you’re a hero. A friend of mine had a similar experience here in Boston last year while she was training for the webster triathalon, which she was doing to loose weight so she and her husband could get pregnant. She gave birth to her baby girl last week…I’m doing the triathalon in her honor this year because she just inspired me so much. You are so right about the dude that yelled at you, his life must be total shit, and will continue to be. My first instinct in these situations is to yell back “sorry about your tiny shrivled shrimp penis! good luck!”, ….feel free to use that whenever.Your a gorgeous person inside and out what a pathetic excuse of a man!!! Fantastic article!! And ps curvy is sexy so sod that pathetic excuse of a human being xxx

Thank you to all who encourage me, who keep me motivated, and are endlessly supportive. This is a long, hard journey, but I am going to make it, and I have people like you to thank for that.

I am quickly learning that for every discouraging asshat out there putting people down for working out, there are easily 100 cheering them on (whether they verbalize it or not).

To the “Neighbor Who Is Running And Working Out Outside” thanks for the motivation. Keep up the good work!