Getting out of my own head

As a rule, for most things in my life, if I have set out to do something, I have succeeded. It hasn’t always been easy, but I try my best not to give up.

For the last 3+ months I have been eating right and seriously working my ass off at the gym. I was definitely seeing success (building muscle, feeling better, losing inches, etc). But I just wasn’t seeing the results I was hoping for on the scale.

One week I would lose 3 pounds, the next I would gain 2, lose .2, gain 1. The scale was trending down — slowly — in the right direction, but not as quickly as I thought it should be for as hard as I was working.

I got discouraged. Really discouraged.

For about two weeks I hated every second of meal prepping, eating the right meals, working out, and don’t even get me started on the extra cardio.

I was a completely miserable person, but Friday evenings leading up to weigh ins on Saturday mornings were the worst. I would make sure not to eat after 7, and attempt to get lots of sleep. No matter how early I went to bed, I would lie awake worrying about what would happen when I stepped on that scale the following day.

Would all this work I have been doing for the last week be for nothing?

People did their best to cheer me up. They reminded me that I was getting healthier, stronger, that muscle weighs more than fat, etc.

This last Saturday I stepped on the scale and was up two pounds for the second week in a row. I just broke. I found myself in tears yet again. How can I be doing all this work for the scale to be going in the opposite direction. It just wasn’t fair.

My trainer, being far more understanding with yet another round of tears than is fair to ask of him, reassured me that he was going to help me figure out what is going on. I couldn’t quit. I had to just keep pushing forward and eventually something was going to give.

We would be approaching things a little differently going forward. From now on I would be weighing in on my own scale every day and sending him the number. From there he would tweak my daily meal plan based on the scale that day.

I was ready for pretty much anything.

Every day this week (and it is only Wednesday) I have been working out 1-3 times a day, eating right, and stepping on that scale. Sure enough, every day the number has been going down, and much faster than I could have expected.

After talking to my trainer this afternoon after deadlifting class, he told me that he think I put so much pressure on myself to lose, I stressed my body out to the point that it just wasn’t happening.

Then, when the scale didn’t move in the right direction, I would be miserable. I struggled through workouts and hated my meals. I would spend the following week feeling let down, and worrying that I was letting my trainer down. That would stress me out more and then the scale wouldn’t move again.

It made complete sense.

Now that I have daily  weigh-ins, I feel like I am in a much better spot mentally. I am enjoying going to classes again, I wouldn’t say I enjoy my extra cardio, but I don’t dread it all day, and I am in a much better mood.

I am now looking forward to weighing in on Saturday. It certainly isn’t out of the question to think that I will have a 5+ pound loss this week. If that doesn’t help me get in the right frame of mind, I don’t know what will.

 

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It’s hard, but it’s worth it. I think?

There are days I look forward all day to going to the gym and working out, there are even days I get up first thing in the morning and go before work. There are days I truly like being there.

Today was not one of those days.

Today I had to drag myself, kicking and screaming, but I went. I particularly dread going to the gym on running days, I still haven’t reached the point in my training that it is fun — at all. But people keep assuring me I will get there. We’ll see.

Thursday I started Week 3, day 1 of the Couch to 5K program, and while I did better than I expected, I wasn’t able to make it through all of the running parts. Today, however, I did! I was pretty pumped. Even though I was dreading going, that feeling made it worth it.

Of course that isn’t making me dread Monday’s run any less.

I think I am starting to get my diet back under control after my slip ups while traveling. That is, and probably always will be, the hardest part.

I wish it were easier to think of the milestones that made me proud of myself before I slip up on the diet. I just need to keep reminding myself that in the long run it will be worth it.

Today’s weigh in had me down 6.2 pounds this week, which I was thrilled about, so overall now I am down 33.2 pounds. I would like to lose another 67 this year, which will me hard, and maybe not possible, but that is my goal.

Fall down 77 times, get up 78?

If starting over again is the hardest part, then why-oh-why do I keep quitting in the first place?

If you follow my blog at all, you know that if I am not writing I am not doing well working toward my healthy lifestyle goals. I can’t even remember the last time I made an entry.

Since New Year I have been trying to work out and eat better, with many, many ups and downs.

I plan on going into each in more detail in future blog posts, but so far this year I have joined a second gym, tried Spinning, Zumba, and have taken a six-week nutrition class.

Things are working, but more slowly than I am used to and that I would like. I have lost a few pounds, but am feeling stronger and a little more healthy. Still a long way to go, but this is a step in the right direction.

Today I realized I really needed to start writing again. It helps. I am going to work much harder to carve out a little time every day to focus on myself and write things down. In the past it has helped keep me going, organize my thoughts and clear my head. Knowing I have people cheering me on helps a lot too.

I know this post is a little all over the place, but that is how I am feeling right now. More on that in the near future I’m sure.

Right now all I know is I am taking this one day at a time. I am not beating myself up if I miss a workout or eat that cookie. I am going to be on this journey and enjoy life at the same time. As long as I continue in the right direction any progress is good progress.

Misery loves company

Onion 1, Lynn 0

Don’t let the photo fool you, everything is fine. That was the result of me attempting to cut an onion. Terrible. I used to wear ski goggles when doing this horrible task, but I lost them in one of the many moves I have made in the last few years.

Anywho…

In an effort to hold myself accountable this time, I told lots of people that yesterday was my first day living healthy again. This of course included my boyfriend who assured me he was going to help me reach my goals. So far he sure is following through.

When we got home from work last night we went through the whole kitchen getting rid of everything unhealthy. Boxes of hamburger helper, chocolate, cookies, cake mix, bacon, Mountain Dew and an ungodly amount of Zebra Cakes went out the door, among other things.

Today I worked on replacing the bad food with the good stuff. Spinach, mushrooms, squash, eggplant, apples, strawberries, chicken and fish. Lots of healthy foods for meals and to munch on.

For dinner I sauteed chicken breast with white wine, minced garlic, half an onion and added spinach in for the last few minutes. It was really tasty if I don’t say so myself.

Chicken sauteed with onion, garlic, wine and spinach with sides of sweet potato and corn.

The last two days have been easier than I expected, it deffinitly helps that I have support. Hopefully this time will be different than the last few tries.

I also finished up my juice cleanse today. I think it worked. i work up this morning feeling better than I have in a while. Whether the cleanse really did work on me physically or if it was just mental, I don’t know. Honestly I really don’t care, as long as it helps get me moving in the right direction.

Tomorrow I am going to try and get up and work our before work, even if it is just walking around the block or the park near m house a few times, something to get my blood flowing.

Thursday I have a gym date ay 6 a.m. with one of my good friends who also struggles with her weight. My plan is to get enough people involved in my weight loss journey this time that I won’t have a choice but to succeed.

Goal for Friday’s weigh in is to lose 5 pounds. Her’s hoping.

Instant motivation

A cute bridesmaid dress you can wear again?!?!? Sign me up!

So, clearly I have not been blogging, which means I have not been eating right or working out. I have made excuse after excuse. After losing 70 pounds last year, I know I am perfectly capable of losing the weight, but I let life get in the way and put 15 of it back on.

Motivation to get back on the horse and lose more has just been dropped into my lap. My little sister is getting married! Now I need to look fabulous in my bridesmaid’s dress!

Now I just need to get through the first 10 or so days. Those are always the hardest days for me, getting started again. Last time I started out seriously wondering if I could do it. Now I know I can, I just need to keep at it.

I ate like a rabbit today (lots of salad and fruit). But between my 14 hour work day and and -20 wind chill outside during my break, I didn’t have a chance to work out. My rabbit food is packed for tomorrow and my sneakers are ready so I can take a walk on my lunch break.

My goal is to lose 50 pounds by the wedding, which is October 18. IDEALLY I would like to go lose 65 pounds by then, the 15 pounds I have put on in the last 6 months, plus an additional 50.

Wish me luck, I’ll keep you updated! (really)

Six month update

Despite being stuck for the last six weeks or so, in the last six months I have managed to lost 60 pounds.  I’m also down 8-10 clothes sizes depending on the store.

Hopefully I can get off this stinking plateau soon because I am starting to get pretty discouraged. Hopefully if I start blogging more again it will help. If nothing else, I guess it couldn’t hurt.

Here are my pictures from March. I still wish I took some at the very beginning of this process.

Forty pounds to go to reach my goal for 2013.

Beginning of March, 2013

 

 

Babysitting: A workout, and then some

Operation wear the kid out was a huge success, and I’m still going strong.

I don’t know why, but  have had a really time getting motivated for the last couple weeks. I don’t have a gym membership at the moment, but there really hasn’t been much reason (except for a few rainy days) for me not to go on a walk. Yesterday I finally found some motivation and went on a walk/run. I hate having to see the same scenery twice on a walk, so I took off after the clouds cleared and called my parents after about 3.7 miles to have them come pick me up.

Today I really got a workout. Want to lose weight? Chase an almost two-year-old around for a day.

I spent the day today babysitting for a friend. He is a SUPER sweet kid and is very easy to deal with as long as he is having fun. He likes to have fun at about 30 mph — this kept me on my toes for much of the day chasing him around. (It also didn’t leave me with much time to eat, which is an added bonus.

Moore State Park.

In the afternoon we went on a walk in the park. After wrestling with the stroller for about 15 minutes — literally, I had to resort to YouTube on my phone to figure out how to unfold the dang stroller. Not my finest moment, but I won in the end. (My friend told me it was really easy to work, just take it out of the car and unfold it. She lied).

The kid and I walked three times around one of the area parks, which added up to 3.2 miles. Not as far as I would have liked, but I had killer blisters from wearing the wrong shoes yesterday, and walking with the stroller was a little more of a workout than I expected it to be.

After my friend got home, the three of us went up to Moore Park, which is one of my new favorite places in Massachusetts. We went on a short hike to see several waterfalls and it was absolutely beautiful, I can’t wait to go back again for a longer walk next time.

I’m hoping to keep working out for the rest of the week and see the scale go down a couple numbers this Saturday, it seems to be stuck.

Moore State Park.

Attack of the three-day-old pizza

I can follow my healthy eating routine no problem until around 8 p.m. Without fail, as soon as the clock strikes eight-ish, the munchies attack. I want to eat everything in sight (and maybe go to the store for more).

Today I found out I’m not the only one with this problem.

Here is the CliffsNotes version of a conversation between me and one of my best friends today. (Note: Names have been changed to protect the munchy.)

Kimmy: Help! David just caught me shoveling three day old pizza into my mouth and I wasn’t even hungry, I was just in the kitchen. Whan can I do about the eight o’clock problem???

Me: Pour dish soap on it! (Learned that from Sex and the City, you know, the one where Miranda makes a cake for herself, throws it out, then proceeds to eat it out of the trash can. Pouring dish soap put an end to that). I wish I knew what to do about it, that’s my biggest problem too!

Kimmy: Let’s brainstorm and then you should blog about it. (Great idea by the way) I’m thinking of learning how to knit. Or perhaps some other craft. Cross stitching? Starting a Pinterest board… “Pinning so I don’t overeat”

Me: Love it!

Kimmy: Clean. Organize — You’re not helping with ideas.

Me: Drink! Paint.

Kimmy: Shock collar.

Me: Those are only for dogs and kids. How bout a rubber band around your wrist?

Kimmy: lol, Kids?

Me: Yeah, I’m going to be a terrible mom.

Kimmy: Juggle. A hobby… jewelry making.

Me: Color in your daughter’s coloring books.

Kimmy: Color, I love it.

So, while Kimmy is off coloring in all of her daughter’s coloring books, I want to ask for all of your help. Do you get the post-dinner munchies? If so, what do you do to beat it?

Away from the whirlwind

The last month has been such a crazy whirlwind, working out and eating right has pretty much been the last thing on my mind. The last week or so has been especially bad because I was on vacation in New York to watch one of my best friends get married.

Before this weekend’s wedding.

With all the excitement behind me, I stepped on the scales this morning terrified to see what the lack of exercise and terrible eating choices (not to mention all the empty calories in countless Miller Lite’s and more shots than I can count) had done to my progress so far. Thankfully, I only gained about 1.5 pounds — I deserved to gain about five times that, trust me.

Back to the grind tomorrow, I have a long walk with lots of hills scheduled in addition to some strength training.

On the way out to New York, I stopped at my college alma mater to get a workout in. I met with the women’s soccer coach (who was also one of my mentors during my time at the college) she taught me lots of new exercises and squats that will help me concentrate on strengthening my core. If they are as effective as they are painful, I’ll be in phenomenal shape in no time! Thanks coach!

At a wedding in June 2012, 55 pounds heavier.

I had a great time hanging out with my friends in New York. This is the first time any of them had seen me since I was 55 pounds heavier. A lot more people than I expected noticed my weight loss, while there were a few who knew there was something different about me, but thought I had changed my hair. It was great to have so many people notice, not to mention very encouraging. I hope to lose at least another 30 pounds by the time I go back out there at the end of August.

I met up with a friend out there who has been on her own weight loss journey, she has lost 40 pounds since the beginning of the year and looks great. She gave me three garbage bags full of clothes that were too big for her, but fit me perfectly. That will definitely help get me through until I can go shopping again. Seeing as I am down 6-8 sizes since the beginning of the year, I am starting to run low on clothes that fit me well… and it feels great.

Now that life has slowed down a bit, I promise to be better about posting!

Officially done with chemo 🙂

P.S. I want to extend a HUGE congratulations to my friend Jen who has been kicking cancer’s ass all year.

She finished her final chemotherapy treatment today after being diagnosed with breast cancer in January. She is such a strong woman, not to mention an inspiration and a life saver. By being brave enough to tell her story, she helped at least one woman catch her own breast cancer very early.

Be sure to check out her blog, Taking it From the Top. And don’t forget to Check Your Boobies!

On your mark, get set, PACK!

Get ready for an all over the place post!

Yesterday’s lunch, about a bazillion calories.

The countdown has begun. Today was my last day at work and the movers come in the middle of next week to move me from Missouri back home to Massachusetts. Yay!

I haven’t been good this week at all. I haven’t been really bad, but I haven’t made it to the gym — at all. Hopefully I am burning enough calories moving boxes and packing that my body at least thinks it is lifting weights!

My meal choices have been lass than great as well. I am trying not go to the grocery store again before I leave, instead I am trying to eat the food I already have in the house. The only problem is that most of the food not really on my diet. In addition to that, my lovely coworkers organized a delicious potluck lunch for my going away party. Being the guest of honor, I didn’t think it was right to not eat, even though I don’t think any of the dishes were on my diet.

I felt SO sick after this plate of food. No seconds for me, thankyouverymuch. Part of the reason I think this try at losing weigh is because it isn’t super strict. If I want to cheat and eat something that it high in calories, I do — I just remember for the rest of the day I need to either work it off or cut waaay back on the rest of my meals. I had an apple for dinner last night to make up for it, and it was plenty.

Today, my official last say, my diet sabotoging well meaning co workers brought in a goodbye cake.

I used to LOVE this kind of cake, with the buttercream frosting, but it was so sweet, I couldn’t eat my whole piece.

I am about to go through my closet one last time, getting rid of any clothes that don’t fit or that I don’t want any more so I don’t have to move them again. These jeans are on the chopping block.

I was running a little bit early for an appointment today and found myself over by JCPenney. Even though I had no intention of buying anything, I went in to look around and try on some clothed (It is more fun now than it was at the beginning of the year — I can’t wait to see how fun it is when I am a hundred pounds down.

I am not used to being able to walk in a department store and find clothes that fit me. That wasn’t the case today though. I tried a couple cute outfits on, but walked out empty handed.

I have a couple hours of cleaning and packing to do tomorrow before heading in to St. Louis to pick my wonderful mom up from the airport. She is flying in to help me pack, then she is going to make the drive with me and my dog. It should be a fun trip, but first I have to do something about the disaster I call a house…